May. 14 2018
Everyone has at least one question inside of them, but sometimes the road to the answer can be a bumpy one. Maybe it’s highly personal or something you’re afraid to say out loud, or just a certain question you can’t get off your mind. Whatever it is, Lola the latte logo is here to lend a helping hand (that is, if she had any, of course). This week, she delves into a couple of love-related questions you asked, and shares her advice on breaking bridesmaid traditions and saying goodbye to a relationship that you don’t deserve.
I’m currently dating a guy who says he really likes me but doesn’t see me as someone he would want to be with long term. Since I believe this relationship will meet its end, I feel like I’m back at square one with finding someone to be with forever. I’m only 24 years old and I know I should not worry about this now, but how do I find someone who would want to be with me long term without reverting back to using dating apps?
– Newsette reader from San Francisco, California
Anyone who says they do not want to be with you “long term” doesn’t deserve to be with you in the short term either. You say you fear feeling “back at square one” after you and your guy inevitably break up, but by staying in your current relationship, you’re at square negative one. Get out of it ASAP, as the longer you stay, the harder it will be to part ways.
Strong relationships that have the potential of being long-term are built upon similar values and interests. How do you find a partner who shares your goals and ideals without using dating apps? Become involved in communities that explore activities you like. If one of your values is to give back, start volunteering at a local charity. If you love to write, try joining a writing workshop. If you’re really into sports, join a local team. It takes a self-aware, mature person to be an active member of a community they’re passionate in, and it is these types of individuals that make the best friends—and potential long-term partners. Get out there, and let us know how it goes!
I picked only 5 bridesmaids because my fiance only really had 5 guys he wanted to ask, but I really wanted to add in a 6th girlfriend, who is tight with 2 of my bridesmaids and also now me more over the years. I already asked the other 2, and she knows, what can I do to include her more in the wedding (short of having her officiate).
– Newsette reader from Chicago, Illinois
If you really want to include your 6th friend, try coming up with a unique title for her, such as the “Bringer of Rings,” or “Maid of Flower Petals” and have her sprinkle red roses from a basket as she walks down the aisle solo. Or call her “Chief Cake Officer,” and have her wheel in your beautiful dessert at the reception. In this day and age, breaking wedding traditions can be trendy, so use this as an opportunity to be creative, and insert a bit of your playful personality into the ceremony. Your friend will be honored, and you’ll add another cute detail to your big event. Another option is to just invite them to the Bachelorette celebrations, and spare them the responsibilities of having an important title on your big day. Congratulations, and good luck!
Have a question you want to ask Lola? She weighs in on everything from career Q’s to relationship woes. Ask anonymously here.