Twenties=sh*tshow. That’s honestly how it feels sometimes as we navigate this phase of adulting, and about 17x a day we’re just waiting for someone to teach us how to make it to the big 3-0. That’s where Michelle Douglas (she / her) comes in. She literally wrote the book on how to crush your 20s, and it’s called Don’t Wear Shoes You Can’t Walk In (rule #1, BTW). Each tidbit is based on the 6 journals she filled with lessons during her city girl phase, and we got the SparkNotes version.

Here, the 33-year-old shares all her wisdom on mastering those in-between years where everything is a mess, but also kind of amazing.

At what age do I need to “have a plan?”
None. I had a plan and it didn’t happen, so you have to be willing to adjust your fairytale.

How do we get our coworkers to not just see us as the “young one” in the office?
I worked at an ad agency, and I felt this pressure from clients. Like, “What credibility do you have to be here?” I think expressing your experience is important and so is sharing your point of view. No one has seen what you’ve seen, in the way you see it, so even if you’re young or new, you bring something to the table that no one else can. It’s up to you to present that.

What’s the most 20s thing you’ve ever done?
I went on 2 dates in 1 week with 2 different guys, and I felt like that was some kind of right of passage into early adulthood [laughing]. That was something I saw in movies and then it was like, “Oh, now I’m doing it. I’m dating.”

Do you have any regrets from that time in your life?
I wish I’d lived in more cities. I ruthlessly applied to cities when I was applying for my first job. In my mind, I was going to move every 2 years and just be this collector of geographic experience. Then I moved to Atlanta, and I ended up loving everything about it, and I met my husband there.

What’s your ultimate career advice for this decade of our lives?
Focus on the things you want to be good at and don’t get distracted by things other people are good at. It’s so easy to find yourself on LinkedIn, wanting to be someone else. I only realized this in hindsight, but I used to move my own marker for success based on other people, and that was just wrong.

When we’re ready for a relationship, how do we find that person?
Either start accepting the people who are asking you out, or start asking other people out. I wanted to be in a more serious relationship, but I was constantly disliking what came my way. Then I had a roommate who was like, “If you don’t like your situation, do something about it.” It was good advice because I hadn’t been taking the lead to go after anyone. Also, everything doesn’t have to mean something—you just have to learn something from it. Dating is as much about figuring out yourself and what you’re looking for.