Mel B

This memoir is real and honest, diving deep into your personal and professional life. What was the initial inspiration behind the book?
Well, the original book—which was a huge decision for me to write—was about my 10-year abusive marriage. How I had gone from Girl Power to girl powerlessness, and how behind the glittering facade of celebrity I was living a secret life of shame, guilt, and self-loathing. I was terrified of what the reaction to the book was going to be, and at the time, a lot of publishers didn’t even want to publish it because domestic abuse and the subject of coercive control wasn’t what they believed people wanted to read about.But my daughter Phoenix and my co-writer and friend Louise Gannon both persuaded me that I should go ahead: I should break the silence, tell the truth, and put a spotlight on an issue which is an epidemic. At the time you think this is just happening to you, which is why abuse thrives in silence. You fear no one will believe you. I had no idea that my story was the same story of hundreds and thousands of other women. When the book came out, the response was incredible. I had thousands of letters and emails from people from all walks of life. Women’s Aid (the biggest U.K. domestic abuse charity) even came to me and asked me to be a Patron because they said it was the most realistic portrayal of abuse they had ever read. Since then, I haven’t stopped speaking and campaigning in the Houses of Parliament and all over the country. I was given an MBE by the late Queen for my services to vulnerable women. I know the book changed a lot of lives, but it 100% changed mine.

Brutally Honest was originally released in 2018, but you’ve decided to add three new chapters in this re-release. Why’d you want to share more of your story now?
When I did my first book, I was often addressing the question, “Why didn’t you just leave?” It was up to me to educate people on how to understand that it’s not that simple—how you’re so worn down, your confidence has disappeared, you’ve been isolated from your friends and family, and you have children. On average, it takes seven attempts to leave. For me, it took my dad dying in 2017 and me promising him on his deathbed that I would leave my ex.But when you leave your abuser, things again aren’t simple. You go through trauma, PTSD, you don’t trust anyone, you struggle. Of course you have good times, but you have many bad times, too. You still suffer with huge amounts of guilt and shame, and you must readjust to the friends and family you haven’t seen for so long. If you’re like me, you suffered huge financial abuse and must go through the family costs and deal endlessly with lawyers.

In the final chapter of the book (and much throughout), you discuss the hardships of being in an abusive relationship and point out some signs of domestic abuse. Why was this important information for you to include?
It’s the reason I did this in the first place. It’s for other people out there who are going through it. I don’t think you realize when you’re in these relationships what they are. When we were doing the first book, Louise put a piece of paper down in front of me. It was a list. She said, “Look at this and tell me what it is.” I read it and said, “You’ve done a timeline of my relationship.” She shook her head and said, “I didn’t write it. It’s from a domestic abuse charity. It’s 15 signs that you’re in an abusive relationship.” I was totally floored. All the little things that mount up were listed. It’s like abusers follow the same pattern, but I had no idea at the time it was happening to me. I felt it was so important to put that list out.I’ve put that list on banks of ladies’ bathroom doors in bars and cafes in Leeds where women can be on their own along with a helpline number for Women’s Aid. As a Spice Girl and TV personality, I have a platform and I feel it’s my duty to use it to help empower and educate other women to understand [abuse] more and to do something about it.