Dear little me,

Hi! Firstly, love you. Secondly, I know you’re on Tumblr right now (as you should be), but come hang with me for a second, okay? I can’t promise I have anything life-changing to say, but I’ve never regretted spending time with you, and I think you’ll feel the same.

So… I’m not sure where to start but I do know I’m in the unique position of being able to view all the experiences ahead of you (and there are a lot) with hindsight, and what that has consistently been able to tell me (and now you) is that everything ends up being okay. In fact, more than okay.

Right before college, you’re gonna be outed to 妈妈 and 爸爸 and it will feel like the end of the world. Once you get to UCLA, you will sob from anxiety every single day of freshman year and I fear you will not “kiss every girl in Los Angeles” like you dreamt of. (In fact, by the end of college, you’ll have only kissed two girls which, honestly, is impressive in its own rite.) This will also feel like the end of the world. You will get into the top physical therapy schools but turn it down to pursue acting, only to not book anything for years—that will feel like the end of the world, too. The list goes and will go on.

I don’t say any of this to call you out as a drama king—or if I am, then we’re drama kings together. But I just know that in those moments, it does feel like the end of the world, because Terry, you have always felt everything so deeply. And as much as it feels like a nuisance, it’s a good thing. You see, I know that wherever in our life you are right now, you’re not able to see farther than yourself. Farther than tomorrow, or next week, or whatever “end of the world” you might be experiencing. But I know you appreciate data, so let me tell you that there are so many data points showing that there are many, many good things ahead. And specifically, so many good things that come out of those “end of the worlds.”

I know you’ve always been told you’re too loud or too needy or too emotional or too much. I’m sorry that 妈妈 and 爸爸 were not able to say the “too’s” that you needed to hear—they were doing their best. But know that we don’t blame them. Know that we actually love them more than ever.

Know that when you were outed, it was horrific. But also know that you realized it was the band-aid that you would have never ripped off yourself. And believe it or not, 10 years later, 妈妈 and 爸爸 are inviting you and your girlfriend on a family trip. Change is so hard, especially for them, but it’s possible.

But none of that change could have happened without your “too’s.” Yes, maybe you are “too much,” but that “too much” helped you show up with an open heart to every single phone call with 妈妈 for nine years after the incident. It wasn’t easy, but I have no doubt that it was through you being exactly who you are—too much and all—that 妈妈 was able to come around.

That’s just one example, but my point with all this is: I know you tend to romanticize other people—especially the mysterious/chill/popular people—and wish that you were like them but gosh, I’m so glad you cannot escape being yourself. Because yourself is so good. Yourself will help you achieve so many dreams (oh yeah, we get to do the Disney wand thing! Crazy story, tell you later) and build a beautiful life with incredible people in it.

That said, I’m only about 30 so obviously there’s a lot of life ahead of me to create, which I’ll be doing for both you and me. In the meantime, keep enjoying Tumblr. Go out for walks more. I’ve got you—I always will.

Love,
Terry