Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married. 🎶 Shan-Lyn Ma (she/her) is the co-founder and co-CEO of Zola, a wedding platform to help couples plan their perfect day.

“Zola was born to be the platform that supports couples throughout every stage of life that stretches from engagement through being newlyweds,” says Shan-Lyn. A ton of her friends got married all around the same time and she and her co-founder saw how “impersonal and antiquated” the wedding planning process was. So, they decided to fix it. And now Shan-Lyn is here to help brides and guests alike by answering our most important questions.

(P.S. If you’re tying the knot, use code NEWSETTE30 to get 30% off invites and paper through June 16th.)

FOR BRIDES:
What’s the difference between a save the date and an invitation?
If you receive a save the date, the couple is quite literally asking you to save that date. You’ll usually receive it six months before the wedding, or even earlier if it’s a destination event with extra travel required. And since we all save every date now by marking it in our online calendar, we’ve found that many couples prefer to send their save the date digitally. (That’s why we recently launched our free digital save the dates which can be sent via email or text.) The wedding invite usually goes in the mail around six weeks prior to the wedding as a way to collect the ultimate RSVP, and it’s often more formal. It could be a beautiful gold foil design on letterpress, or it could be a more ethereal, nature-inspired design printed on recycled paper.

What’s a wedding website and how can it help? Do you need one even if you have a wedding planner?
Wedding websites are a hub for guest details such as time and date, dress code, and travel accommodations. But they’re also the best space for couples to communicate their story and aesthetic because they can select a theme they love, add photos, and write their love story. If done right, the wedding website may even prevent guests from texting the couple with random questions!

What are some things people rarely think of to put on their registry, but end up being great additions?
I think couples are still shy about adding bigger ticket items, but they shouldn’t be. If what you really want for forever is a new couch, patio furniture, or luggage set, register for it. We have a feature called group gifting so couples can allow multiple people to contribute to a gift, and everybody still gets to stay within their budgets. Truly a win-win.

And, although most Zola couples do register for at least one cash fund, some couples may not realize that the fund doesn’t have to be for their honeymoon. We see funds created to pay back student loans, pay for IVF, and we’ve seen a large rise in couples donating to charity through their registries over the past few years.

FOR GUESTS:
Is it a faux pas to give a gift that’s not on the registry?
If you’re faced with an entire registry of impersonal silver forks and spoons (like I once was), then it’s okay to go off the registry. But generally, stick to it. It’s there for a reason. It’s a digital catalog of items that the couple already clicked on to add to cart. As long as there is an item or cash fund within your budget range, I would suggest you start there. And remember, choosing which wedding gift to purchase should be a balance of what you love to give, and what the couple actually wants in their home. The reason why we encourage our couples to add gifts at every price point—and to add a mix of physical items, gift cards, and cash funds—is so that guests can always find something they will love to purchase.

Can we ask the couple about food options in advance if we have a dietary restriction?
If you have a dietary restriction, then absolutely. Most couples who create a wedding website with a digital RSVP will use that as an opportunity to ask for dietary restrictions. But, if the ask wasn’t directly made to you and you have to navigate allergies over a preference, send a text.

How can we tell if our dress fits the dress code? Are we too formal or too casual?!
Dress codes have come a long way from our parents’ generation. While cocktail attire remains the most popular, many couples are leaning into themes that feel authentic to who they are. So, the dress code today is more guidance around the level of formality than a hard and fast set of rules. When in doubt, text a picture to somebody in the wedding party before texting the couple. The truth is that unless you show up in a white gown, your best judgment and best self will be exactly what the couple hoped for.