Haley Moss

When did you know you wanted to be a lawyer?
When I was young, I was very introverted and thought I was going to be a psychiatrist, so I double majored in psychology and criminal justice. But my first 6 weeks of pre-med didn’t go according to plan, since I realized I didn’t enjoy chemistry. I had to rethink, “What do I like doing?” I love to write, I love to talk to people, and I want to make a difference. That’s when I realized lawyers have the potential to do all of those things.

Do you watch any legal TV shows / movies?
I try not to. [Except] Legally Blonde, because Elle Woods is an icon and I will not be shy about that. I have watched it numerous times since I was in law school and now I can correct everything about it that’s wrong. But that aside, I really do appreciate Elle being herself. That’s why I wore pink to my graduation and wrote about it for the American Bar Association Journal. It was a defining moment in my career.

Speaking of writing, which of your books is your fav?
The one that I’m most proud of is about middle school. I was 15 years old when it came out, so I give myself a lot of credit there. I also got to illustrate the different subheadings and pieces within the chapters, so that was special. I’m also extremely proud of The Young Autistic Adult’s Independence Handbook because I got to address something that really bothered me for a long time.

And what was that?
That we hold independence as this lofty goal for people with disabilities—autistic people in particular. We take independence to mean you have to be able to do everything by yourself, forever. And the truth is, we all depend on one another for things. There’s a give and take in society. Each of us has different gifts and talents to offer, and that’s okay! It’s okay if you’re never going to be able to clean your house without assistance or you have to hire a tax professional to help you with finances. We all do this stuff, but we somehow hold people with disabilities to a very different and often higher standard. So getting to deconstruct that a little was really fascinating.

Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with autism, yet research shows it might be more common in girls. What are your thoughts on that?
There’s a lot of reasons why girls, women, and people who don’t present in the stereotypical male version of autism get missed. It’s because of how the DSM [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders] is written. It’s because of a lack of understanding that autism may present differently in marginalized populations or people who are gender diverse. Something that happens a lot, too, is the social pressure for females to basically act neurotypical and try to blend in. Think about why we act the way that we do as young women. We don’t want to be bullied. We don’t want to be ostracized. We don’t want to experience assault, since women with intellectual developmental disabilities do face a higher rate of sexual assault compared to the general population. They’re survival skills for so many of us and the criteria hasn’t quite caught up with that.

What advice do you have for those who are autistic, have an autistic child, or just know and love someone who is autistic?
The biggest thing is to find joy in the journey. For autistic and disabled people, there’s so much focus on everything that’s hard for us and it’s so easy to reduce us to the struggle vs. what we are actually good at. When we talk about acceptance, it includes celebrating the things autistic people in your life are super passionate about. If they have something that interests them—whether it’s Pokémon, artwork, or music—encourage that. You never know where it’s going to lead you or them. It might lead to something that brings us calm in the difficult moments or to something that turns into a full-time job. And when our hands are moving and our bodies are celebrating something that brings us joy, join us. We’re just people, and we absolutely deserve to take up space. We’re worthy. We’re loved. We’re valid.