Everyone has at least one question inside of them, but sometimes the road to the answer can be a bumpy one. Maybe it’s highly personal or something you’re afraid to say out loud, or just a certain question you can’t get off of your mind. Whatever it is, Lola the latte logo is here to lend a helping hand (that is, if she had any, of course). This week, she answers your Q on forgiving yourself after making a mistake.
Dear Lola – My relationship of two years recently ended because of something I did and I’ve been struggling for two weeks with guilt, sadness and feeling alone for the first time in a while. We had been fighting, so the end was inevitable and he was never the best to me, however since I did something wrong, we’ve both been blaming the breakup on me. How do I forgive myself and also help myself realize that although I messed up, he wasn’t the best option to begin with and maybe this needed to happen?
-Reader from New York, NY
First off, we are all human and make mistakes. What defines us isn’t the mistake, but how we grow from it. It seems to me that since you’ve been feeling incredibly guilty, you regret whatever you did, proving that you are already learning from the misstep you mentioned (and perhaps will never do it again). I’m not saying that you should completely give yourself a pass–but just accept that what you did was wrong, and stop punishing yourself.
Secondly, if the relationship is over and he treated you poorly, then move on and cut off all communication. Every conversation will just bring you back to the place of feeling guilty and sad, and life is too short to be feeling down. Plus, it sounds to me like this relationship was going to end anyway, so you should feel a slight relief that you can move on to someone who will make you happier.
Bottom line: We all make mistakes, and as long as you learn from the one you made, just move forward and don’t look back.