Alex Aster is the managing editor of The Newsette, and, as a part of our new “Ask Alex” series, she tackles some of our readers’ most pressing questions, in an effort to bring a new perspective to the table. Today, Alex answers a question about possible infidelity.
Q: Dear Alex, I went on a blind date with a sweet guy. We went to dinner, and had a nice time, but, alas, we were missing that undeniable spark-like connection. Knowing this by the end of the meal, I offered to split the check, and went on my way. He texted me the next day expressing how good of a time he had, and asking me out again. I responded, “I had a great time as well! I’ll be out of town for the next few days, and don’t think I’ll be available.” I thought that was a kind way to let him down…but he will NOT STOP MESSAGING ME. Without exaggeration, he texts me almost every day, most of the time without a response from me. I was trying to be nice, but I’m about to just block him from my phone! What should I do?
A: You know the saying about good intentions? Yeah–I thought so. Even though you were trying to be nice, you ended up doing this person a disservice by not being honest right away. For future reference, if you’re not interested in someone, you should respond with a message like, “I had a great time too! To be honest, I do not think we are romantically compatible, but I would love to pursue a friendship, if you’re interested.” If you don’t want to be this person’s friend–which is totally okay!–just forget that last part. Yes, you might feel awkward sending this. Yes, the person might feel the sting of rejection. But you know what? This temporary discomfort is a lot better than weeks of being led on. Trust me, once this person finally accepts that you don’t want to see them again, it will hurt a lot more than it would have if you had been honest from the start.
Now, you need to message him something like this: “Hi! I want to be transparent with you. I don’t see us having a romantic connection, and don’t want to waste anymore time you could be putting toward a more compatible connection.” Edit as you see fit, but, bottom line, you should include a very straightforward sentence stating you are not interested, and hopefully framing it with kind language–and, again, being kind doesn’t mean being vague or adding something like “I’m just busy!” or “at this time.” If he keeps messaging you daily after this, then block his number. Good luck!