Alex Aster is the managing editor of The Newsette, children’s book series author, and writer behind Aster Way. As a part of our “Ask Alex” series, she tackles some of our readers’ most pressing questions, in an effort to bring a new perspective to the table. Today, Alex answers a question about the holidays.
Dear Alex: I’m a twenty-something about to fly into my hometown for the holidays. I’m excited about seeing my family (I only see them a couple of times a year), but I have a problem. Sometimes, certain family members (my aunt and sister) can be infuriating. They’ll pry into my life, demand I do them all sorts of favors, and get extremely mad and unreasonable about the littlest things. Honestly, talking to them makes me not even want to go home during my favorite holiday. What do I do?
AA: Ah, family drama. We all have it. Especially after not living at home for a few years, going back to your childhood room can feel like taking giant steps back. Suddenly, your parents care about when you go to bed. You have to follow rules you balk at as an adult. Sound familiar?
Your goal is to have a peaceful, enjoyable holiday. So, take a step back. Tell yourself that no matter what your aunt and sister say or do that might “infuriate” you, you’re going to observe them like an anthropologist–unemotionally, simply taking in their behavior and making logical conclusions. Realize that they are likely never going to change, and that if it only affects you a few days a year, it’s better to simply not engage as much as you can, or answer their prying questions with vague responses, and very plainly say “no” to their unreasonable requests. You’re an adult–you’re allowed to say “no, thank you,” or “I don’t have time to do that, sorry!” Of course they’re going to ask you for things if you keep saying yes! So start to build a healthy wall between you and them. And, no matter what, try not to get too caught up in their words. If you allow yourself to get emotional about what they say, it’s just fueling the fire–so don’t let their blazing behavior burn you.